Players Game Party
2009
The Republican 8: Snow White And The Seven Dwarfs
Why do the Republican candidates remind me of a remake of that old Disney flick, Snow White and the 7 Dwarfs?
It is probably because they are all perfectly cast.
Right wing politics has never been so much fun.
Snow White, naturally, is Michelle Bachmann.
Rick Santorum plays Sleepy and, in a part perfectly suited for him, Newt (the Grump) Gingrich dazzles as Grumpy.
Doc, of course, is Dr. Ron Paul while just one hopeful can play Happy, Happy Herman.
Huntsman plays himself, a voice lost in the wilderness while Candidate Perry is straight out of Hollywood casting as Dopey.
And, John Kerry, poorly masked as Mitt Romney makes one more attempt at the Prize, this time as Sneezy.
So , how are they doing?
As the candidates head towards the caucuses in corn country Iowa , it’s clear that the cold winds of winter will freeze what little life Sleepy and Grumpy have left.
Snow White, whose voices in her head counseled her to run for President, will fall into her normal semi-comatose state as it becomes clear to everybody on the planet but her that it was not God speaking to her, after all. The voices will continue to be there, certainly, but the good people of Minnesota’s 6th Congressional District can sleep well at night knowing that their fave Tea Partier will be safe in the hallowed halls of Congress where so many others hear the same voices.
Doc, the oldest Dwarf, heard humming ‘Starry-Starry Night ‘ in a recent debate, will continue to make his fans’ skin tingle. He’s the same fellow who once sought 400 million dollars in federal earmarks, then voted against the bill in which it appeared.
More recently, he has promised to get rid of the departments of Energy, Education, Commerce, Interior, and Housing and Urban Development while legalizing all drugs. When you think about it, it’ll make sense to get rid of the Department of Education because kids will be too stoned on meth to study anyway.
Happy burst onto the pinnacle of the Republican polls like a ray of bright sunlight, laser focused on a tax reform plan so blinding in its simplicity: 999. Yea! Wow! applauded his growing legions of fans. A Republican candidate with a real tax reform plan. Then, one of those nit-picking overly educated types had the insolence to run the numbers to find out how Americans would be affected.
Adding insult to injury, some PC game players noted that a 999 tax plan started with a computer game, SIM City, to which Happy Herbert claimed no such thing had happened. Truth is, it seems more likely it came from the billionaire Koch brothers who’ve made it clear Happy is one of their favorites.
However, back to the numbers. Turns out 999 would raise the taxes for 80% of families in America while giving the richest of the rich a billion dollar per year tax windfall.
Oops. It’s one thing to build America’s tax structure around a Playstation game but quite another for this poor Dwarf to get cold-koched by the Brothers Koch.
Poor Huntsman. Went to the Wasteland in China, worked for that Commie-Socialist Kenyan Muslim who he now hopes to replace. Didn’t help himself with his sacrilegious heresy the Party shouldn’t run away from science. What was he thinking?
And, my favorite, there’s captivating Dopey. The kid who scored C’s and D’s in university but looked great as a cheerleader.
Last but not least, there’s the John Kerry look-alike, Sneezy. For women’s rights to choose before he was against it. Against Obamacare though it sure looks like Romneycare.
One moment, sneezes to the left; next moment, sneezes to the right.
Got filthy rich purchasing firms, merging them, selling their assets to make a quick buck, firing lots and lots of the unwashed and unkempt. But, he's finely quaffed. Simply a regular guy.
Seven Dwarfs. Snow White.
As Lincoln once warned the nation, ‘A house divided against itself cannot stand” and today America is putting that warning to the political test . Can todays’ debate politics rise about its comic cast of characters or should we simply sit back and enjoy the flick?
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